“I am grateful for….”

Grateful. Such a difficult word. We all walk around and talk about how we should be grateful, thankful, appreciative of what we have in our lives. But more often than not, we focus on the negative.

It’s rampant in our society – from the news, to anon social media accounts who recount every horrible interaction at work, and even to what we recount of our days to our loved ones. The negative gets more screen time and therefore more “mind time”.

So, it shouldn’t be any surprise that self-care has focused on changing that preoccupation from the negative to the positive. Even during a day where nothing has seemed to go according to plan, there is something you can be grateful for. You just have to want to see those things. To want to be put the energy into acknowledging, appreciating, and shifting your thinking towards these things. Granted, some days those little rays of sunshine are much harder to focus on through the rainy clouds of disappointment. I get it! I’m right there with you sister!

Part of this challenge has been to write three things you are grateful for each morning before you do anything – as a way to set yourself into the right mindset for your day. While this isn’t revolutionary, it is the first time I’ve actually sat down to do it. Heck, I even bought a “gratefulness journal” that’s been laying on my bedside table just staring at me since July….months and months of pages have just been left blank. And just like those blank pages, my grateful mindset has also been blank.

So while I’ve been lounging on my couch with a lovely virus present from a patient, I’ve been thinking of what makes me grateful. Instead of focusing on how I’m sick, how badly I feel, or be angry that I got this illness because someone came to the ED when they didn’t actually need to be there, I’ve been trying to focus on what makes me smile and laugh. At first this was a very daunting task. I felt like they needed to be deep, insightful reasons that make life worthwhile. But then I realized that I smile thousands of times a day and don’t judge those smiles – why should I be judging my “daily gratitude”? I can smile because my cat ran up to me and met me at the door, a coworker I haven’t seen in a while is at work with me, Zoey smiles and laughs during dinner, and many other seemingly superficial and mundane reasons. But it’s those smiles that make up my life and what I should be grateful for. Therefore, I can write whatever deep, insightful gratitude in my journal, but it’s the real smiles that will make a difference in how I see the world.

So, today I’m grateful for Zoey running across a crowded restaurant towards me, Lily Pawter’s endless amounts of cuddles, and my library card that allows me to read about different worlds/cultures/stories all from the comfort of my own couch.

Today, my gratitude reflects my daily life and what is important to me today. Tomorrow, tomorrow I’ll be deep and profound…..maybe.