My mother can tell you a lot about me — she knows my favorite foods, my deepest fears, who my best friends are, and almost everything else about me. But the one thing she will tell you that has never changed in my life is that I am afraid of change. Before any new change in my life, the night before, I am without a doubt in a state of almost sheer panic and have recently vomited. And she is there, either in person or on the phone if she is not personally available. And I mean any change. It messes with my need for things to be organized, balanced, and KNOWN.  I fixate and fear change because its unknown. Change brings out my insecurities that I am not “enough” (as in smart enough, funny enough, nice enough, etc). So often, I do what we all do when we fear and are uncomfortable with something, and stay in my comfort zone where I know that I am “enough”.

My comfort zone starts at my couch (as previously mentioned in my prior post about how much I love my couch) and ends right before change. And despite how much I would wish it to be, I cannot function as a fully whole individual from my couch. So I’ve had to learn to embrace change.

“I want to make a change in my life because”

Ironically, it was when I was sitting on that couch when I made the decision to make a change in my life. I was dead center in my comfort zone and staring at the edges that I hadn’t visited in a long time. I had let the fear keep me from even making the first step towards the edge of my comfort zone. I had become complacent and, to be honest, kind of boring.

So, from my couch, I realized I needed to change. However, true to my nature, that alone made me uncomfortable and afraid. So I tried a few times previously but with very little effort and even fewer results. I stayed on my couch, deep center of my comfort zone, and pretended to want to cross the border.

But this time is different.

Instead of giving into the fear, I am embracing it. I am at the border and have tiptoed right up to the very line. I can almost taste the fresh air that supplies all of those people who are brave enough, daring enough to fully cross the border.

I want to change because I am tired of being afraid of the unknown associated with change. I want to change because I want to allow myself to grow and evolve. I want to change because I don’t want to look back on my life and regret that I stayed on my couch/comfort zone. I want to change because I want to be brave enough, daring enough. I want to change because I want to feel enough, even if I am not on my couch.