My anxiety has taken lots of different forms over the years. But one of the most recurrent strategies it uses to plague my mind is to fixate and focus on things that make me feel uncomfortable.  I can lay in bed, about to go to sleep after a great day, and some very odd memory from five years ago in which I waved at someone but they didn’t see me will pop into my mind. Then another memory of when I snorted while laughing. Then another memory, each getting worse. Until soon I’m counting “awkward me”s instead of counting sheep.

So, obviously, pulling an Elsa and “letting it go” is not my strong suit. In fact, I would say it is not my very DNA and really not my fault that I lack this ability!

But in an effort to extend my comfort zone, I am going to try to “let it go” a la the ice queen.

I’m not quite sure where to start with this task though, to be honest. I feel like I don’t try to actually hold onto things or memories, especially ones that make me feel uncomfortable about myself. Because, really, who would want to lay in bed, not sleeping, just counting down the hours you have left until you have to get up, with images of your most awkward and embarrassing moments? Who wants to hear your friends’ (sometimes your frenemies’) meanest comment about you right before you walk into an interview? Who wants to worry constantly?

Not this girl.

But, of course, we don’t always get what we want. 

I’m going to “let go” of the anxiety and fear that is holding me back in my life. I have let that fear prevent me from volunteering to do things/procedures, meeting people, and living my life to the fullest. I have stayed home, on that damn comfort zone couch, because I was afraid to be “the only one” to go to a social event. And then I have seen photos of those fun times on social media and been depressed and uncomfortable. Even on my comfort zone couch – can you believe the blasphemy?!

I might have to start small to get to that place where I can fully “let it go” a la Elsa, but that’s what life is all about. I’m working on this in therapy and with challenges like this. And each day is a new opportunity for me to try to evolve and push those boundaries of the couch comfort zone. I’m trying to be just as graceful and empathetic with myself as I am with others. Maybe tonight I’ll have “bad ass me”s to count instead of sheep!